August 2011
20 posts
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Hurricane Irene is downgraded
I’ve heard people from Jersey saying Hurricane Irene got weaker as it passed by the Jersey Shore because they kicked its ass. I think it got weaker because it tried to understand The Jersey Shore, got stupider and forgot how to do what it was doing.
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Walking the line
The rain has stopped for a second. This is the point in binge drinking when you realize “crap, sweating is just not enough.” Here comes the puke, and all the beer comes back up and you become acquainted with a person named Porcelain Shitter.
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Adventure
If the subways get flooded I am totally buying a canoe and/or kyack, popping on a construction helmet, taking a makeshift paddle and then excavating the tunnels. Don’t worry, I’ll post the footage on youtube.
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Stay safe
Stay safe
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Watching the news 2
Things they’ve said on the news: After the hurricane if you see a stray wire laying around don’t touch it (regular fucking Einsteins over there, why the hell would you touch it?) Instead of saying 50 mph winds or 60 mph winds. They should say: “This wind could blow over a garbage can.” or “This wind could knock down a fence.” or “This wind could make a...
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Watching the news 1
If you watch the TV news today. You deserve every ounce of hysteria you go through. There is nothing that will change from watching it and there is nothing they can tell you which will not able to see from looking out your windows. Do yourselves a favor. Do something with whomever your with. Get your minds off it. The news media on a day like today does nothing but help out their...
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Natural Disasters
So during and earthquake the best places to be are on the ground, or below it. In a tornado the best place to be is always underground. When threatened by tidal waves the best place to be is on high ground. When faced with an earthquake, a tornado, an a tidal wave all at once… the best place to be is at home, away from the Michael Bay movie.
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Stereotypes
Just saw the biggest stereotype in the world on the line to get a Nathan’s hot dog: A fat dude wearing a ti-died T-shirt, with long gray hair (plus comb-over), a shaggy beard, around 50-years-old saying to someone else in a really “Bill-and-Ted-style” way: “DUDE! I have seen every BAND you can think of.”
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Singularity
Two things 1) you know you spend too much time around computers if you actually think (even for a second) that if you make a spelling error with paper and pen you will see the “incorrect spelling” notification. 2) our brains can store more information that is even known at this point in evolution. if it were compared to a computer’s hard drive, how much hard drive space...
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Airbourne Reservoire
It’s hard to fall asleep
When all you want to do is listen to the rain.
Have sympathy for the homeless amidst the downpour
At the same time envious of their front-row seat to
Beauteous downpour.
I’m sure they feel differently so…
Ignore the poetry that I put forth previously.
Lay in bed.
Count the time
Wonder where…
Is the storm’s eye.
Lightning makes...
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Messy rooms
People often apologize for how messy their room is when you walk into it. One day I’d like to hear someone say “Welcome to my room! I’d apologize for the mess… in reality though, if you think I’m a slob, your standards are just too damned high.” Aside from food a little disorganization is not a big deal. Nothing besides food attracts other living things.
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