I've seen it all
A homeless dude just yelled out “michael jackson died for us”
I realized today, and i’m baffled as to how it happened, but it is often said that the death of JFK (and the 60’s in general) was the “death of american innocence.” What fascinates me is, if that was indeed the case, we somehow managed to regain our innocence or the protests going on in the country right now wouldn’t be necessary.
Prepare to shit yourselves →
This dates back to 71 mind you. I can’t even blame the FIRST Bush for this lol Not even REAGAN. Fuck, all of my liberal ranting is useless here. It happened during Nixon, and those rants are just cliche.
I got high off my leg once…It was asleep.
The vegetable marijuana
So a vegetable is pretty much anything which grows in the ground and is eaten during the course of a meal. You could eat pot brownies during a meal. Thus they are a vegetable. So the next time your mom says “eat your vegetables!” You can respond with “Gladly, pass a brownie. I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to do my homework though.”
If I ever get sentenced to 3 life-terms in prison the first thing I’m gonna say to the judge is: “Really, you’re honor? 3 life-terms? What are you gonna do, grab my soul after I die and stick it in a freezer? Like seriously, how the fuck are you gonna give me 3 life-terms? Force me to have a kid and then imprison it as a symbolic notion that you are imprisoning my blood-line...
On only 1 hour of sleep, staring at a mirror after 18 hours awake. The mirror shakes… did my brain just fart or did the door that the mirror is attached to just move? Wait, is the mirror even on a door? Yes, okay that much I can confirm.
AIDS and Natural Selection
AIDS is like Natural selection, it doesn’t care who it fucks over.
The Middle East conflict
Here’s take on problems out there - Until both sides in the middle east conflict realize that neither side is completely right, and neither side is completely wrong; any attempts at a peace accord will be equally as effective as sending a paraplegic, with no arms, to diffuse a bomb.
Play on words
It’s ironic how similar the term “vast difference” is to the medical “Vas Deferens,” being that a small adjustment to the Vas Deferens, will make a Vast Difference in any man’s life.
When a zombie sees you and then decides not to eat your brains it’s because it smelled your brain tumor. Zombies don’t like brain tumors because it gives them zombie aids… which turns them back into a human…