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WARNING!!!!!! THIS POST IS GUARANTEED TO OFFEND SOMEONE!!!!! It is not my intention to offend anyone. Offense however will be inevitable as the subject of this post is a graphic novel… OF THE BIBLE. I personally do not have any quarrels with any person who belongs to any religious faith. This is so long as you do not hurt anyone, impose your beliefs upon anyone, or treat anyone else with disrespect because they do belong to a different faith. That said, if you take offense to anything which is moderately sacrilegious, but in truth, all in good fun DO NOT READ THIS!!!!!
Consider yourselves warned. If you continue to read this and disregard my warning, it’s your own fault for not closing the blog window; just like how you could simply change the television channel to keep your kids from hearing curse words. Curse words which you yourselves say on a daily basis repeatedly, and very likely within in your child’s earshot. All that said I’ve warned you enough… Lets have some fun.
So a few weeks ago my dad came home with something that had me laughing my ass off. It was an illustrated Graphic Novel, but of The Bible. The Book of Genesis. Here is the front cover:
I believe this is a picture of when Adam and Eve were cast out of the Garden of Eden for eating an apple and realizing that thought was fun. They played pranks on God and it pissed him off. Being completely honest though, in the Old Testament there’s really not very much that doesn’t piss God off. Can you say anger issues? I digress.
Now for a look at a given page within the book. If I might say so I’ll credit the animator for nailing just about every line in the bible with a picture perfectly. Kudos to you Mr. Crumb (I’m serious about that btw):
The words are blurry but that’s irrelevant. The fact is that it’s really quite dead-on. With not a woman in sight who has power in any shape or form… but I digress… have I pissed you off yet? You can always close the window and stop reading at this point if I have :)
Once again, not bad. It’s well drawn, God is an old white man who looks like the Greek God Zeus from whom his image was taken… tee hee. You see the void which represents the emptiness of the universe prior to the Big Bang (oh shit, my bad, I wont bring science into this again). Now for a close up of the words in the top right-hand corner. How close are they to the actual bible’s words?
Again, well done, word for word from the bible. God should really sue this guy for copyright infringement.
Okay, since we’ve finished that part we go to the juicy parts, oh yes there are juicy parts… TITS!!!!
Yes, and BEAUTIFULLY animated tits at that. Complete with the man from whom who she was “created,” and the words spoken by the man from whom she was created… He has tits as well to answer why I didn’t just leave it with only Eve. Granted, useless tits which don’t give milk, but tits nevertheless. Oh, the differences between genders in human anatomy… Shit, I just referred the scientific study of human anatomy. I have to learn to not talk of sin… Oh well… MORE TITS!!!!
That is a lovely body. That is also the snake tempting her with towards the Tree of Knowledge. Note that the snake has two legs and two feet. Kind of like a dinosaur, did the creation museum in the south actually get something right?!! No, they didn’t, because nothing in this book really happened… Kudos once again to the animator though. Now it’s time for the best picture in this book, behold:
SEX!!!! This is before Eve went to the Tree of Knowledge mind you. Putting aside chronology though, this is awesome. Quite frankly had they taught me about this in Hebrew School instead of the Holocaust… I might still be Jewish and not an Atheist. Though I might just be an atheist now anyway since I decided to benefit from the gifts of the Tree of Knowledge and analyze things.
Right above god there is a little white bubble. Let’s see what it says?
Ahh yes, because the images of sex and a naked chick were too graphic for people too see. Oh and they were so pleasantly graphic :)
It might also be a recommendation for supervision because you don’t want a child to ask questions or wonder how certain things in the bible happened. God forbid (hehe) we do that we’ll just be propagating the sins of Adam and Eve when they ate from the Tree of Knowledge. At the same time though, had they not eaten from said tree, we would not have invented computers; or even built a church or synagogue to pray in since that requires math and calculating. We all know that God loves it when you pray to him though… so is he a hypocrite, or just benefiting from our mistake? Oh well, by a show of hands (or dislikes) how many people have I pissed off by now? You could have easily just closed the window mind you if you were in fact offended.
There is also another little notice on the front cover on the bottom left covering God’s feet:
Well it certainly is graphically depicted. There is also certainly nothing left out from the bible’s literature from what I have thus far seen… well, except maybe basic logic… I’ll let that slide though for comedic purposes.
I suppose the only other disclaimer which Mr. Crumb (kudos again) could have posted on the cover is this:
“WARNING: The following events which have been graphically depicted may not have occurred in real time… or at all…”
As a general notice to anyone who read through this entire blog despite my disclaimer and was still offended by it despite my warnings I have but one thing to say to you. “With the kindest heart and most profound respect for all people no matter what their religious affiliations, if you have been offended by this blog post, I think the best course of action would be for you to simply… develop a sense of humor.”
Thanks for reading, I expect hate mail in the coming days :D